There is an unwritten rule that we have to LOVE being a parent, which is all great if you do, but what if you don’t?
It’s all part of this culture we have here in the UK of being the perfect mother which is all great too until we realise that the perfect parent doesn’t exist (perfect by whose standards??) and it starts to impact how we feel about parenting in general.
IT’S NORMAL NOT TO LOVE BEING A PARENT! AND IT’S NORMAL NOT TO HAVE EVERYTHING ALL TOGETHER!
It really is. To even be close to have everything together is a lot of unrealistic pressure and can lead to burnout. More on burnout as parent here.
If you love it—great. But what if you don’t? Or what if you love some of it but not all of it? What if parts of parenting feel like a daily struggle, and other bits make your heart explode with love? What if it’s both? What if you look around and wonder, “Why can’t I enjoy this like everyone else seems to?”
The myth of the perfect parent is deeply woven into our culture. We’re spoon-fed images of the ‘ideal’ mother: calm, endlessly patient, effortlessly organised, always smiling, emotionally available, never shouting. But perfect by whose standards?
That image doesn’t account for sleep deprivation, neurodivergence, trauma, mental health, past experiences, or just generally being human. And yet we hold ourselves to it anyway, even when it begins to crack our sense of self.
Each of us steps into parenthood with our own story. Our upbringing, our worldview, our support systems (or lack of them), our mental health. All of these shape how we experience parenting.
Some parts of it might come naturally. Other parts might feel impossible. And it could change day to day.
Some days you might feel like a supermum. Other days you might wonder how you’re even functioning.
We don’t need to prove anything to anyone. Especially not to the critics – online or offline – who have no idea what our day-to-day looks like or how our life experiences have panned out.
There is no one right way to do this. There’s just your own way. (Read more on that here.)
If you’re finding things hard, it’s not because you’re doing it wrong. It’s because parenting is hard. And pretending otherwise doesn’t help.
Give yourself grace. Talk to someone who gets it. Don’t bottle it up. And most of all, try not to feel guilt around not feeling “blessed” every moment of the day.
“There’s no such thing as a perfect parent. So just be a real one.” — Sue Atkins
If today feels overwhelming, or if you’re wondering if it’s okay to not be okay, I want you to know that it is.
You’re not alone and you don’t have to carry the weight of it all by yourself.
Let me know how you’re feeling, I’m here for it.
Charli