Just when you think you’ve evolved to a Buddhist monk level of enlightenment… CRASH. Ego. Waaahhhh
The other day, I shared in my Facebook Group for women in business that I’m not taking any 1:1 clients with this round of Thrive, and that my elevated offering this time will be a MASTERMIND instead. I’m through the roof excited about this plan- it includes some in person group stuff and some tasty new bonus content, and ultimately I just feel called to work in this way right now (i.e. I really fancy it) which is the best reason to do anything.
I used the sharing of this info to remind my gals of a few things…
- It’s safe to change your mind. Just because you did something a certain way once, twice, three times (a lady) or for years on end does not mean you are tied to it for eternity.
- Quite frankly, if you’re not changing your mind every now and then about some element of how you work, you’re slacking. Yeah, I said it. There’s growth in the unknown, and you know how it goes- you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got. Don’t tell me you only want what you’ve always got? Still with me?
- One big reason we struggle to shake things up- what do you reckon? Ask yourself quickly before you read on. Clue is in the title… You ready? FEAR. OF JUDGEMENT. What the bejeesus will people think? That I failed at that? That I’m flaky? That I can’t commit? That the feedback wasn’t good? That I didn’t enjoy our interactions in the old version? That I’m getting above my station? And so on and so on. We have to simply decide that our own experience of our lives has more weight than our fantasies about how other people perceive us.
So far, so enlightened. All good. Big tick. Feeling fab.
Then. I saw my friend (you know who you are, I’m not gonna out you here, and I want you to know that I forgive you… lollllzzzzzzz, and thanks for this banging content).
She asked me more about why I’ve made the change, and then she said something like, “Well, it’s good that you don’t care about what people will think about you only doing one round of 1:1”.
My chimp was all over it. She was like woooooooohooooooo ooo ooo (that’s meant to be a combination of a celebratory exclamation and a chimp sound). Here’s a lovely opportunity to shrink her back down. Lets have it.
Conscious Keri was trying to put Chimpy back to sleep. Chimpy was having none of it in the style of an overtired toddler high on ice cream and Paw Patrol.
Here’s the thing- for all my awareness on my original post of the stuff that ‘we’ experience when we make changes or take bold steps, I hadn’t lived that fear in this instance- it had not occurred to me for one moment that I should consider the potential for judgement on this occasion.
Now look, I’ve done a tonne of work on judgement over the years- my own of others mostly, which has largely relieved my fear of being on the receiving end. Or so I thought.
And here I found myself, Chimp taking over- what have people been saying about it? Plus all of the above projections in point 3 above. And the irony was not lost on me.
It’s very easy to knee jerk into, “I don’t give a shit what people think! So there!”. But that’s just more chimping. That’s from fear. The reality is, on some level, I do. We all do. That’s the nature of humanity- wanting to be accepted by the group, to stay safe.
The really important acknowledgement is that I’m not prepared to use my ideas about what that might be as my compass. Are you?
20 hours on, my chimp is settling down. She’s noticed that she’s getting nowhere. I thank her for her efforts to take care of me, and the way she has reminded me of the intensity of those feelings, so that I might better help others to navigate them, and I tuck her in.
I think it’s useful to know that your worries and concerns are not exclusive to you. I think it’s imperative that you know that success comes OUT OF these moments of ugggghhhhh not BECAUSE that person you’re admiring is immune to them, but because they’ve learnt to grow through them. Let’s get real. Growth is hard. So is staying smaller than you wanna be. You choose.
If you’re choosing well, come and get involved in this FREE THRIVE LIKE A MOTHER EXPERIENCE starting Monday. Sign up here.
And if you wanna validate my choice (just jokes…) about this way of working with some unique and courageous women who want a seat at the big girls table, email me firstname.lastname@example.org, or DM me on instagram for chats.