When I first read Adam Grant’s Give and Take, one idea stayed with me long after I closed the book: be otherish.
Grant defines otherish people as those who care deeply about others but still protect their own wellbeing. They’re generous, but not self-sacrificing. They give without burning out. They hold generosity and self-interest in healthy tension.
And I thought — what if we parented like that?
Modern parenting culture is full of extremes. We’re told to give our kids everything – time, attention, opportunity – even if it leaves us exhausted and hollow.
Then, almost as backlash, comes a new mantra: self-care first, put on your own oxygen mask first, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Both hold truth. Yet most parents I know, along with myself, live somewhere in the messy middle. Loving fiercely, but craving space to breathe. Wanting to give but not disappear. Wanting to ensure our kids have the best of everything without sacrificing ourselves in the process.
That’s where Otherish Parenting comes in.
Otherish Parenting is a balanced approach to raising children that blends generosity with self-respect.
It’s inspired by Adam Grant’s otherish giver. Someone who gives thoughtfully and sustainably, aware of both others’ needs and their own limits.
Otherish Parenting is giving without depletion. It’s empathy with edges. It’s care that includes the caregiver.
An otherish parent isn’t selfish, they’re self-aware.
They don’t give everything; they give meaningfully.
They don’t aim for perfection; they aim for presence.
They don’t sacrifice themselves to please others’ ideas of what parenting should be; they look inwards for what they and their family needs and protect their energy so their kids can flourish.
1. I give with awareness, not obligation.
My care is intentional, not performative.
2. I see my own needs as valid.
Rest, joy, and ambition are not luxuries, they’re part of how I teach my children to value themselves.
3. I believe in connection over control.
I guide through empathy and respect, not fear.
4. I model boundaries, not burnout.
Saying “no” can be an act of love.
5. I grow alongside my children.
Parenting isn’t one-way; it’s a shared evolution.
6. I choose sustainability over sacrifice.
My goal isn’t to give endlessly, it’s to give well.
Children learn as much from how we treat ourselves as from how we treat them. If they see us constantly drained, overextended, and resentful, they absorb the message that love equals depletion.
If they see us caring for others, for them and honouring our own boundaries, they learn that generosity can coexist with self-respect.
That’s the quiet revolution of Otherish Parenting.
Raising compassionate well rounded kids without losing ourselves in the process.
This idea builds directly on Adam Grant’s concept of being otherish from Give and Take. His work on giving, reciprocity, and sustainable generosity has changed how so many of us think about work and relationships. I simply wanted to extend that wisdom into the most demanding and meaningful relationship many of us have – the one with our children.
Otherish parenting means meeting our kids’ needs without abandoning our own. It’s raising children with empathy and self-regard. It’s giving without disappearing.
If this resonates with you, share it, discuss it, and add your voice to the conversation. Let’s redefine what it means to give as parents. Not endlessly, but otherishly.
‘Otherish Parenting’™ is a term and concept created by Charli Davies, inspired by Adam Grant’s idea of being ‘otherish’ from his book Give and Take.