Why is baby loss such a taboo subject?

*trigger Warning-Story of stillbirth

Words by Natalie Louise Smith.

October is #babylossawarenessmonth and Chrissy Teigan told the World that her and her husband John Legends baby boy Jack had died. I am livid to read that this family have been criticised and trolled to share this so candidly and publicly.

If Jack had lived and Chrissy had posted of their joy of his arrival, everyone would have applauded and cooed over the photos. Because Jack died, he didn’t become less important to them, he didn’t become any less loved, any less wanted, any less special. He didn’t stop being their son, part of their family. This is their reality and I applaud them for being so honest and brave. Why do some people find baby loss so offensive and uncomfortable but not other losses?

I share my experience of Albert dying and I share photos of him for a number of reasons:

  1. He is my son and I love him just as I love my other sons. I am proud of how hard he fought and how beautiful he was.
  2. I am never going to be able to take photos of his birthdays, his first day at school, him playing with his brothers. I can’t post photos of him in cute outfits. The small selection of photos I have are the only ones I will ever have.
  3. I want other families experiencing the death of their baby to feel supported, loved and to know they are not alone
  4. I want to help those who are fortunate enough not to have experienced this to be better informed and to be able to support those who have.
  5. The loss of Albert and now of Ewan have fundamentally changed who I am. The loss, the grief, the trauma and all that those things bring with them have left me broken – not beyond repair but I will never be the same.

This is my truth, Albert and Ewan are my truth so I will talk about them.
It’s 2020 – the year we all posted #familyiseverything #mentalhealthmatters #bekind, yet apparently those same people have no empathy or understanding for a family whose World has stopped and will never be the same.

If any of what I have said resonates with you, if someone you love has experienced the death of their child, if you have lost your child, please share this post. Please let’s break the taboo and start really being kind to each other.

If you have experienced, or are going through the heartbreak of losing your baby, please know that you are not alone.
ACHING ARMS achingarms.co.uk

CRADLE https://www.facebook.com/cradlecharity.org/

SANDS www.sands.org.uk

CRADLE EARLY PREGNANCY AND BABY LOSS SUPPORT GROUP https://www.facebook.com/groups/593156274504746

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